Tuesday, Nov. 23, 2004
A little bit of this, little bit of that
I have been MIA for quite some time now. Things here don’t ever seem to change. Sometimes I am extremely happy and sometimes I can't stand myself. I go from one end to the other and rarely do I have an in between.
What can I say, nothing has changed, and I have no earth shattering news to share, no exiting plans to talk about or eventful parties to say I have attended.
There have been many small things happen which include visits from both my brothers that live in New Jersey and Florida, the visits bought some of us closer and others further apart. My relationship with both of my sisters is getting better little by little, just separately, I don’t think we will ever a big happy family, but I am taking what I can and developing relationships with each of them individually.
My relationship with R is ok, there are days when I want to call it quits and run, basically because I have no patience and I am extremely ungrateful as well as damaged from years and years of mental abuse. Some days things get so frustrating for me that all I can think about is cutting, something I haven’t thought about since I was a teenager, it was something I did when I really couldn’t control the anger of not having control over things, not something I did very often and not something I thought of as a problem until recently when I have seen dozens of shows and interviews on the subject. The days I have lost control, I have turned to the other end of things and instead of cutting which would bring on tons of questions from R, I turn to food which always seems to make me feel better for about a minute, but as soon as I realize that it will most likely take me a couple of steps back from the weight loss plan I end up feeling worst. This has only made me see that I have issues that I have not been willing to deal with and honestly I will continue to ignore it for the time being. The only thing I can say about that is that R is very patient and willing to help me when I finally decide I need the help.
As for the course I was taking in college, the class ended a couple of weeks ago, it was rewarding to receive the certificate, but I don’t feel as though I learned much, it is truly frustrating to pay someone to teach you something and you leave without a feeling of accomplishment.
On the job department things never seem to change much, Mr. Boss Man had been behaving like a Prick for a couple of days last week, which made me behave bitchy, but we put an end to that quickly when I told him that his comments were making me feel uncomfortable and that if he wasn’t pleased with my work to come out and tell me. I told him it has been three years since I began working here and he has yet perform an evaluation, which I was told were performed on a yearly basis, so I wanted an evaluation because eventually I wanted a raise. He apologized for making me uncomfortable, said he was happy with my work and said he would do the evaluation, hopefully he will do it without having to remind him.
And finally on the baby making department, we are still working on it, I have been taking Vitex and Black Cohosh, in hopes that I will begin to ovulate regularly and get my period regulated, this last month I was still late, but not as much as usual although my period was lighter than the last two times. If I don’t get pregnant next month we will begin the testing and treatments come January. I am hoping I don’t have to drink Clomid (hormones), losing the weight I have has cost a lot of sacrifice and time; I wouldn’t want that to have all the work go down the drain.
And that is what has happened this past month while I have been too lazy to update.
Leave comments people, I miss them.
r-y-r at 12:51 PM
