Tuesday, Jun. 29, 2004
Happy.........AGAIN
In the two weeks that have followed my depressing rants (Go hereand herefor an update on that) things have gone a lot better. The thing that really made me go over board and I guess lead to things going better was the Saturday before Fathers Day. My husband and I had gone out to dinner with friends and I decided to dress up to show off the fact that I am losing weight and so my husband could get an early birthday present when we got home ļ.
I worked on myself all day, making sure everything was just right, my hair had been blow dried, my eyebrows plucked, toe nails painted, legs and other parts nicely shaved and really nice lingerie. After getting dressed we headed out for an early dinner with friends I figured we would go out on our own to have some alone time and an early celebration for his birthday that was on the 22nd. I imagined we could go out to have some drinks, or maybe just go home early and have some fun, how dumb of me to have planned all of this on the night of the Basketball game. How stupid could I be to have thought he would just forget about the game and play husband to me?
Needless to say I was excited when he asked if we could go home soon (bare in mind it had been over two weeks since I had been able to have my way with him), but as we were driving home it dawned on me that he was probably in a rush to go see the game, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and casually walked in after him, so I could see what he was going to do, I kid you not when I tell you he took off his shoes and turned on the radio and the television set to the game. I WAS NOT going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me argue again, I just went in to the bedroom, put my hair up in a ponytail, put on a huge T shirt and scrubbed all of the makeup from my face, brushed my teeth, turned off the light and lay down on the bed, trying NOT to cry, trying to fall asleep. When he got into bed the way I treated him was NOT pretty thing, the conversation we had after I treated him like an idiot was NOT pretty either. I had to tell him how unhappy I was feeling, I had to tell him that I was the QUEEN of running away from things that made me unhappy, I asked him to please not make me run away from our relationship because lately that was what I had been wanting to do. I asked him to please open up to me, to tell me what was bothering him and what I could do to make things better also.
After that talk, things have gone a lot better. We are both trying very hard to make things better, to have the relationship we both KNOW we can have but have been neglecting for a while now. I am hopeful that things will get better, that they will continue to go well. At least for these past two weeks or so, I have been happy.
r-y-r at 3:32 PM
