Friday, Apr. 16, 2004
Family
There are days when I just wish people would just grow up and live there lives. I never talk about my family in this diary because I had established that the purpose of this diary was to write about my experiences with my husband, but I am just so frustrated with my family lately. I love them all to death, but I live surrounded by people who are jealous and speculators and people who love to judge.
My relationship with my parents is a great one, they are very supportive and helpful to me, I in return try to visit them at least for five minutes to say hello everyday, because I have to pass by there house in order to get to my apartment, so I am not going out of my way. I will be the first to admit that my mother is a bit possessive and I deal with that as best I can, I don’t let that influence the way I am or act with anybody else within the family. Because of this my sisters have both decided that my mother and my relationship is not healthy, they both feel that my mother plays favorite with me, and while I know it sucks to admit, I feel they are right, but I really can’t do anything about it. I treat my mom with respect and love. What really is bothering me is that I feel that my sisters believe that I am getting a free ride in life from my mom. They claim that she helps me all the time and never them. They have gone so far as to say that my parents bought us our last car, this hurts beyond belief because R and I have to work our asses off to have the things we have and none of the help we receive from the parents is free. I won’t say that they never loan us money, but that is exactly what it is, a loan. As soon as R and I get paid, the first thing we do is put aside the money that has to be paid out, including rent, our phone bills, our cable bills, our loans and with what is left we do our grocery shopping and save for the next two weeks until we get paid again. There have been plenty of times when we have wanted new clothes or shoes, new cd’s or stuff for our apartment, but reality is we cant spend our money on things that aren’t extremely important.
I know that it must hurt them to feel inferior, but don’t they understand that I have no say in the way our mom acts. If things were the other way around, I would be happy when they get to spend time together. I really don’t want any of this situation to hurt my relationship with any of them, but it hurts me to know that I am the topic of conversation among everybody when all I try to do is live my life and not get in anybody’s business. I remember a time when my sisters used to be my friends, I remember a time when I wanted to spend time with all of them together, now the only way to enjoy them is one on one, I feel like I have lost my family and all I have is myself. I hate that the people who should be my comfort are the people who are hurting me. There was a time that this would have not bothered me, but for some reason I haven’t been able to sleep in two days and I feel that I should be doing something differently. I just really don’t know what it is.
r-y-r at 8:39 AM
