Monday, Mar. 29, 2004
Test results
I said I didn’t know if I was more scared of getting my period or not getting it. I still haven’t gotten it, but I do know the answer to that, I was more scared of getting it. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was good if I wasn’t pregnant for a million of reasons, the truth is that we both really were hopeful that I was. We both had our hopes up, but finally on Friday we both admitted it to each other that we hoped the test was positive.
Friday night as soon as I got home I was dying to do the test, but of course, I couldn’t make myself go to the bathroom, the waiting was killing us, so when he left the room, I turned on the water and made myself go. Those three minutes you have to wait after doing the test are torture. When I finally had the courage to look, I was smacked in the face with disappointment. It had one line, one lonely line that meant “Not Pregnant”. I couldn’t help getting emotional, but when I went into the living room, I casually said “No”, he said “no, what” and then I said, we aren’t going to be parents any time soon” I know he was disappointed, which just made me feel really sad and scared, I started to cry and wonder if this is every girls fear, the fear of not being able to have kids is huge for me. I know that we are just beginning to try, but still I get scared and still get hopeful.
My doctor gave me a prescription for “Provera” he wants me to take them if I still haven’t gotten my period after 6 weeks of my last one. Those 6 weeks are up next Thursday; my mom insists that I re-take the pregnancy test again before taking them “just in case”. I am scared of getting my hopes up again, but I guess I should try, you never know.
So my life hasn’t changed drastically, the only thing different today is the disappointment.
r-y-r at 11:50 AM
