Wednesday, Mar. 03, 2004
Breakup Vs. Death
After reading one of my daily diary musts I got to thinking about a topic that my husband and I talk about frequently; Losing Somebody: Break-up vs. death. It is our opinion that it was easier to accept the loss of our loved ones because they passed away and not because we broke up. This may seem hard for some to read and I am sure many wont agree with me, so before you think we are both morbid or crazy I want to state that in no way would we have wished their death upon them, that said we base our opinion on the fact that when you end a relationship based on the fact that either one of you decided you didn’t want to stay in the relationship or you both decided that you weren’t doing all that great and decided to break up there will always be questions and doubts. I went through horrible break-ups with J and they hurt so much, I doubted myself and the fact that maybe I could have done things differently and every time I went back to him and had to endure losing him all over again. My husband feels the same way, he has often said to me “I knew that things weren’t going the way they should have, I felt trapped and confused, I loved her, but we just weren’t getting along well, and to this day I know I wouldn’t have had the courage to break it off”. In order to break off a relationship you have to be very determined and very strong, I guess that even though I wanted to believe I was all of that, I hate to admit that I wasn’t. I am now, but it took going through the permanent loss of someone to get there.
For unexplainable reasons we have both endured the tragedy of our couples death and it has hurt beyond words, but there is nothing we could do about our situation, there was no going back, there was no blaming our selves for what happened, the only thing we had left was moving on, finding a way to continue living without that person in our life, erasing the numbers, but not the memories, making ourselves see that all we had were memories and that at some point we had to put those in a box and move on, we both know that it is what our significant others would have wanted. I am not saying that there death was a good thing for us, it was just easier to accept, we didn’t have to worry how we were affecting our ex’s when we started dating, we didn’t have to feel any sort of jealousy over our past relationship and the best part of it all is that we are able to share our past with each other without having to feel bad or guilty, My mother can keep her pictures of my ex up without feeling like she is offending my husband and he can still visit with his ex in-laws and have me accompany him and not feel inadequate.
I have found my soul mate (because I do believe in destiny and soul-mates), I have found the person who completes me, I think things just have to happen and work themselves out. I am not saying my relationship is perfect because it isn’t, I am saying that I believe that we have the foundation to make this marriage work and last, but if in someway it is not meant to be, then I know that ending this relationship would be the hardest thing that I have ever had to do, I don’t even want to imagine my life without him and I would choose none of the options, I know within my heart that if the same thing were to happen again and I lost him the way I lost before that he would be the last because I want nothing more than what I had with him, I can say this because I have gone through the loss of someone, I know how it feels.
r-y-r at 11:44 AM
