Monday, Jan. 26, 2004
Going back in time to chang the past
I have been dying to write here today about some things that I have on my mind, but when you work for an accounting office and tax season is on its way, getting to write in your diary is almost impossible. I have had to topics running around in my mind and as you all know, I don’t day log, I just write when something is making me ponder and think. So the two topics are going back to change the past if you could and how I tend to hide the fact that I have been hurt so much in my past. Who knows if I get a chance I might just have multiple entries today. But for now I will write about the going back in time topic. If you are wondering what made me think about this, I will tell you… yesterday I went with R (my husband) to see “The Butterfly Effect”; I don’t want to spoil the movie for anybody who wants to see it, but I will give you a general idea, its about a guy who is able to go back in time to his past and change certain things, what he doesn’t know is the effect it will have in his present, the main idea being, you cant change the past and expect the present to stay the same. So after watching the movie, which in my opinion was great, I started to think about it. Would I change things in my past if it meant that my life now would change? If I could somehow change the fact that my relationship with J was so difficult and prevent him from getting on that motorcycle that day and have him alive would I do it if that meant I wouldn’t be with my husband now? How sick does it sound that I would say NO? I wouldn’t change my life for anything, in my mind, God has a plan and works in mysterious ways, I wouldn’t change anything, I am happier now than I have been in all of the eight years I was with J. But then I wonder if my husband would go back to change the fact that his first wife died. It is often a difficult thought for me to know that I am here with him only because she is not, that in order for this to be she had to die. Granted, I had nothing to do with that, but still, it makes a girl wonder. So rather beating around the bush about it, I did what I always do, I asked him… and his answer…. “I wouldn’t change a thing, but if I did it would be not having found you sooner. The way I see it is that God had you for me and though we had to go through so many things we were destined to be together”. Of course that is the answer everybody wants to hear, but still it is something that makes you wonder. I guess the things that have been negative in my life all connect to some of the best things I have had in my life. So it confirms my belief that everything happens for a reason, good or bad, understand it or not, God does not give us more than we can handle and at the end, things usually turn out for the best.
r-y-r at 2:46 PM
